A Day to Remember...Our Love for Jer Bear

Four years ago today, the world changed drastically. Most of you may not have noticed that change, but for those of us who were blessed with the friendship of Jeremy “JerBear” Spencer, the change was devastating.

One less beaming smile.

One less endearing laugh.

One less comforting hug.

Jeremy was gone...just like that. Gone.

Did I really get a chance to say goodbye?....

Thursday, February 8th, 2007 6:30am....

     I picked up Jeremy at his and Jennifer’s (his mom) house. I was taking him to work with me at Woodward Academy, where I was teaching adjudicated teen boys. He was looking for a job, and we had spoken a few times about how he was interested in finding a career, maybe going to college. He wanted to work with troubled kids, to help them in some way, and so he was going to apply for a job at the Academy, and interview that day. 

     His interview went well, and I took him to lunch…a nice, long lunch. It was wonderful – I hadn’t seen a lot of him lately, I was busy with the kids and work, Scot was on the road with Tommy Castro, and Jeremy had just had back surgery in December. So we took advantage of the time that day to get caught up on what was going on in our lives.

     He was in a lot of pain, I could tell, and he shared with me his medication troubles and frustrations - but he was optimistic that his pain would soon be under control. (I’m not going to give a detailed account of our conversation, because it’s lengthy, but he did have plenty of reasons to be upset with his doctors).....

We got back to my house in Des Moines around 3:30pm…and he came in to say hello to the boys and Scot.

     Escher had an outing for TigerCub Scouts to the Channel 8 studio, and Jeremy - sometimes like a little kid himself – excitedly invited himself along....he got a kick out of things like that. At one point he handed me his cell phone and had me take a picture of him posing with one of the on-air personalities...to this day, Jennifer has that picture on her phone - it was Jeremy's last picture.  He's wearing the biggest grin.

     Afterward, I dropped him off at home - big hugs - I didn’t want to squeeze him too hard, with his back and all. Before I even got back to my house, he had called me on my cell phone, thanking me for a great day, for lunch, for the pack of cigarettes, for getting him the job interview. I told him to let me know when he heard back about the job. Goodbye. Click....

...and that's the last time we spoke.

Saturday, February 10 th , 2007 mid-morning....

     I was shuffling around the house, a bit tired from celebrating my brother’s birthday the night before, and the phone rings. I didn’t recognize the number on my caller ID, so I let the answering machine get it. I hear: “Jenipher, this is Vicky, Jennifer’s sister....I need to get a hold of you....Jeremy is dead. He’s dead....I have Jennifer over at my house – she wanted me to call you.”

No, no, no, no, no, no……NO. NO. NO.

     Within the hour I am at Jennifer’s side….struck with the hope that this is all a dream....this is NOT happening....this is CRAZY…what the HELL is going on? NOT Jeremy...not JerBear...no, no, no, no...all I wanted to do was to hold Jennifer and cry...why Jeremy? Why?

     The next several days were spent making phone calls, crying, making arrangements, crying, picking out flowers, crying, picking out a casket, crying, going through pictures, crying, planning the service, crying, trying to console Jennifer, crying – there was so much to do....I took the week off from work – Jennifer has always been a fiercely independent woman – but she needed us. I left Jennifer just to go home and sleep....but even that was hard to do.

The only thing harder? ....

Not knowing how to move forward in a world without Jeremy.....

     Jennifer and Jeremy…Gooch and JerBear....more than just mother and son....they were two peas in a pod – rarely did you see them separately....they were a package deal. Jennifer was a single mom, she raised Jeremy on her own – and she did a great job. Anyone who knew the two of them could tell you that their love for each other was amazing. Jeremy was genuine, kind, funny, and well-balanced...I mean, even when he was mad he was a good guy. I’m not just saying that, either...Jeremy was a gentleman, in the truest, most pure sense of the word.

     Jeremy loved music, with all his soul. He couldn't play an instrument....but his love for music was reflected in his wardrobe choices...usually a band t-thirt....and the fact that most of his friends were musicians. He enjoyed going to concerts and live music venues...whether it was a late night jam in a danky bar or a mammoth concert in a huge stadium. He surrounded himself with what he loved. 

     Only slightly overshadowed by his love of music, was his love of kids. When Scot and I had children, we chose four godparents...Jennifer and Jeremy were two of them. Jeremy was great with kids - in a way he was like a big kid himself. He’d get right down on the ground and play with them, join in their games, roll around, wrestle. He would have made an awesome father...guys like him are rare. Look at the pictures I’ve posted below, you’ll see what I mean.

     So, I could go on and on and on about what a fantastic guy Jeremy was...but if you knew him, then you don’t need me to tell you...and if you didn’t know him, well, your loss. But four years ago today, my best friend Jennifer lost her only son....this is for her.

     Although it's been four years, Jennifer is still in the process of grieving.  A couple of years ago, Jennifer and I went to go run some errands on the evening before the anniversary of Jeremy's death.   At one point between destinations she quickly glanced at herself in her rearview mirror and said “I keep looking for a spark (in my eyes), sometimes I can see one there.” I sometimes see it there, too...and I want to see it there more often...but I can totally understand why she still has her good days and her bad days. No mother should have to bury her son...it’s beyond sad.

     So, for the past four years, we have celebrated Jeremy’s birthday at his grave....lit fireworks, released balloons...stopped by to just say hello to him or to talk...he was always a good listener. Jennifer keeps his grave decorated according to the seasons....he’d get a kick out of that.  There are days when I swear he's riding in my car with me...a song he loved comes on the radio - and I can feel him riding shotgun, checking in on me.  I tell him his mom is okay...I tell him that we all miss him so much it hurts.

     Jennifer carries Jeremy on her shoulder – literally. Three years ago she got what has to be the most amazing tattoo of Jeremy...I can’t remember who did it (I’ll ask her and edit it in)....but it is spot on JerBear...beautiful smile and all...here it is:

I love to see Jennifer laugh:

     We all loved Jeremy....one would be hard-pressed to find someone who didn’t. His was a rare soul...one you would be lucky to know once in a lifetime....and he left us behind way too soon....standing and shaking our heads while our hearts shattered.

He was only 32.

One more star in the sky.

Jeremy "JerBear" Spencer

October 5, 1974 - February 10, 2007

JerBear...we know you are out there...we still feel you in our presence sometimes - but we always feel you in our hearts. Continue to show your mom your love and your signs...they give her strength and hope that someday you two will be together again...and that you are at peace. Please watch over us all.