Turning Away From Hate (OneWord: MINDFUL #1)

Thanks to the principal at the school where I teach, I was introduced to "One Word That Will Change Your Life." After much consideration, I picked my word and spent many hours practicing it as I illustrated it:

In the few weeks since I drew the word, MINDFUL, I have reflected on it - meditated over it - daily. I allow myself to "rearrange" what I consider to be thinking errors on my behalf - to find my weaknesses and tear them down so that I may, with thoughtful purpose, renovate my paradigms.

Here is one:

I came across this quote on a friend's Facebook Page. I thought of all the times I've been hurt, the times I've seen people doing this to each other - either openly or surreptitiously. I thought about the  hard feelings I've clung to for years - for people I care nothing about - and how I feel when I speak poorly of them or even when they just drift into my mind. 

So I unwound those those bindings of ill will and allowed those feelings to scatter to the wind.

 It takes more character and strength to forgive...to let go...to just plain not make a person you don't like or who's done you wrong, a negative issue in your life. When you allow someone to make you angry, or when you harbor ill feelings for a person, you are giving that person control over you...you are making them matter MORE to you - when most likely you desire the opposite.

We are all human...and, individually, we are all doing the best we can. Unfortunately, we don't all fit together like pieces in a puzzle. Ours lives, ideas, values, and whatnot are full of fuzzy, ripped, and jagged edges that blend, overlap, and poke each other. What I mean is that we aren't all meant to be friends, we aren't all meant to get along, and sometimes blood is drawn (literally and figuratively) along the way.

All you can do is be the best and most loving version of yourself. Let your words and actions not cause hurt...even when you hurt...even when you are angry, sad, or afraid. Slinging bad thoughts, tossing hurtful words, and throwing jabby things only perpetuates and feeds those bad feelings - it doesn't rid you of them - it INCREASES them. You hold within yourself the immense power to stop it. To end it. That shows the greatest strength and character above anything else.

It took me a long time and a lot of hurt to embrace this. It was worth it, because the lesson is mine and is now a part of who I am becoming.

It's the Little Things...

Not really a big deal, but I have to share what happened when Emmett and I were checking out at Dahl's (Ingersoll) this morning:

Emmett was asking over and over and over for a quarter...I was trying to pay for our groceries, and was getting pretty distracted by him (he kept wanting to reach over to grab something off the cashier's register because he thought it was gum). I was trying to remain calm because between him asking for a quarter, asking what's for dinner, and getting grabby...I realized I had no quarter (I'd emptied out all the change in my purse on Friday). So then I started telling Emmett I'd bring him back later (when I pick Elijah up from work) and he could have a quarter then...and he kept asking - but he wasn't upset or anything.

Then the young man bagging our groceries reached into his own pocket and gave Emmett a quarter. He was so kind and sweet about it. Emmett, smiling, bounded over to the gumball machine to get his treat, and I thanked the young man from the heart...as much as I could before getting all emotional.

It's little gestures like this that give me hope - that as people become more aware about autism and see others like him in the community, kindness and understanding will become the norm. Emmett's quite the spectacle at times: towering over me by almost a foot, dressed like Inez from Cyberchase, a little bit of jumping and hand flapping...he's one special dude...

...and so is that young man at the grocery store.

Like I said - not a big deal. But it kinda is.

UPDATE: I called the store this afternoon to get the young man's name...Matthew. Dahl's will be receiving a letter from me. 

Emmett, dressed as Inez from the PBS show, Cyberchase.
He wears this outfit practically EVERY DAY (not sure what
we'll do when winter comes!)

Please Stare: Positive Autism Awareness in the Community

Earlier today a picture of a father/daughter popped up on my Instagram feed. It was posted by Autism Speaks an organization that has a high visibility in the Autism community.. In the photo, a father is standing next to his daughter and he is wearing a red shirt that says, "Keep Staring It Might Cure My Child's Autism Then We Can Work On Your Social Skills"

I paused, re-read the t-shirt several times to make sure I was reading it correctly. I tensed up in frustration...I WANTED TO SCREAM (not only because of its lack of punctuation...but that's definitely annoying)

Seriously? I mean, REALLY? Is this what Autism Awareness is nowadays? Offending and alienating bystanders who may be curious about your child and/or not understand what they are seeing? To immediately present a rude and sarcastic (not even remotely funny or educational) statement on a t-shirt...I am stunned. 

Maybe it's because I am so used to my son getting stared at, and I am beyond caring anymore. How other people look at my son is inconsequential. I don't wear my son's autism like a wound for which I feel other people should apologize. Humans are naturally curious and it doesn't take a typical bystander more than a few seconds to catch on and realize that my son Emmett is operating on a totally different level than everyone else...and if they find that entertaining, I hope they enjoy the free show...but I am NOT going to chastise, belittle, or say something rude (or let my t-shirt say it for me) in response to them looking...

...because how would that be raising "Autism Awareness" in a POSITIVE and WELCOMING way? 

Yes, I know my son is 6'5" and flapping his hands like he might take flight any second...have a look - he's happy. PLEASE LOOK AT HIM. Yes, that's my son, carrying an arm full of stuffed animals through the grocery store...they are his best friends. PLEASE LOOK AT HIM. Yes, that's my son, loudly reciting hundreds of animal names in alphabetical order while our families are all waiting for the waitress to bring us our food...he's hungry. PLEASE LOOK AT HIM. Yes, that's my son, big and tall and all 260 pounds of him throwing himself on the ground having a meltdown because he is so frustrated about something and he doesn't have the functional language skills to express himself using words...PLEASE LOOK AT HIM.

Look at him. PLEASE. Please - I won't think you are rude - stare all you want...and LEARN something: he's different, beautifully different...different in infinite ways that even I - the woman who gave birth to him and knows him better than anyone else - can even possibly grasp. I understand why you want to look, and I don't care - because when you look at him you are learning something: you are observing that this human is having a good/bad/happy/angry moment. You are seeing me (or any member of my family) interact with him in a patient, loving way. You are becoming AWARE that children like this exist in our community...maybe you already know one...maybe one day you will. 

So, please, stare at my son all you want.